As a writer working on my novel and a mother to three kids aged four and under, feedback has been one of the most powerful, and sometimes most intimidating, parts of my creative journey. When your days are a whirlwind of toddler tantrums, snack negotiations, and endless nappy changes, sitting down to write feels like a secret superpower. And then, just when you think you’re making progress, along comes feedback. Sometimes it’s helpful, and sometimes… well, let’s just say it stings.
But over time, I’ve learned that feedback, when approached the right way, can be your greatest ally: a tool that helps your novel grow, deepens your storytelling, and saves you hours of rewriting down the road.
When you’re swimming in your own story world, it’s easy to forget that you might be missing the obvious. Every sentence feels precious because it’s your baby. That’s why external feedback is so crucial, whether it’s from a trusted friend, a partner, or an editor.
A fresh pair of eyes can spot gaps in the plot, character motivations that don’t quite land, or dialogue that feels flat. Research shows that feedback is essential because it offers perspectives you can’t see yourself, helping you shape a clearer, more compelling story. Trust me, even if your eyes are bleary from midnight feedings, feedback is the secret weapon to turning a draft into a novel.
I’ve learned that using feedback effectively begins with mindset. It’s hard not to feel defensive when someone critiques your baby, your novel, your hard work. But feedback is about the work, not you. Try to view critique as a collaboration. Your readers want your story to succeed just as much as you do. People aren’t critiquing your world to be mean; they’re giving you honest feedback to help you improve.
When I get feedback, I break it down into manageable parts:
- Big issues like plot holes, pacing, and character arcs.
- Smaller issues like dialogue, scene clarity, and emotional beats.
- Smallest issues like grammar, word choice, and typos.
This helps me focus on what really moves the story forward first, especially when my writing time is limited, which is basically all the time. I’ve also learned to pick my battles. You don’t have to take every single suggestion. If a piece of feedback feels off or clashes with your story’s vision, it’s okay to push back. I remind myself that I am the author of this world, and I get to decide what stays and what goes. Feedback is guidance, not gospel.
As a mum, my time is broken into tiny fragments. Between school runs, nappy changes, and naps, I don’t have hours to spend in deep revision. So, I tackle feedback in small chunks, focusing on one section or theme at a time. Breaking it down this way keeps it from feeling overwhelming and helps me make steady progress, even on the busiest days.
It might sound odd, but receiving thoughtful feedback can actually boost your mental health. It can lift the fog of self-doubt that haunts every writer—and every parent, honestly. Knowing someone else has read your work, understands your story, and believes in its potential reminds you why you’re doing this in the first place. It can be a huge motivator to keep going when the toddler tantrums are loudest.
Your novel deserves to be the best it can be, and feedback is how you get there, even if you have three pairs of little hands tugging at your pants while you write. It’s not always easy to separate yourself emotionally from your work, especially when time is scarce and energy is limited.
But, approaching feedback with patience, curiosity, and kindness (to your novel and to yourself) makes all the difference. So, take a deep breath, grab your notebook (and maybe a cup of coffee), and dive into those notes. Your story, and your readers, will thank you for it.
Emilie Turner 